61 other things Bella Swan is NOT allowed to do
by Lily Desdemona Potter
Summary: Back by popular demand, a story of comedy genius, comes 61 more thing our precious Bella Swan is NOT allowed to do. Of course like always she finds more thing to do, and break the other rules.


**61 Other things Bella Swan is NOT allowed to do.**

1. Attempt to convince Rosalie to take her to a club...

2. Thus leading to consumption of alcoholic beverages.

3. Try to make a army of cream cheese mice...

4. As a way to convince the Cullen's she'd make a better Vampire.

5. Get a pet cat with golden eyes and burnt orange fur...

6. Then name it Edward.

7. Convince Edward she only bought the cat as a companion for them both...

8. And not to force his hand at his blood lust...

9. Or fight for dominance in his territory.

10. Try to convince Emmett that Edward the cat can be turned into a Vampire cat.

11. Cry repeatedly when the plan goes awry and Edward is killed.

12. Try and seek revenge for her fallen love...

13. Ending in Emmett's jeep being painted pink with fairy dust everywhere - in purple and silver of course.

14. Convincing Mike Newton that Rosalie wants to be his baby's mama...

15. Then watching as he has his ass handed to him by a angry Rosalie and Emmett...

16. While eating popcorn and cackling insanely.

17. Dress up as a nurse and try to play 'Doctor' with the Cullens.

18. Purchase multiple cans of dog food, form it into a meatloaf, and then give it to the La Push Pack as a 'Sorry for ignoring you' gift.

19. Then when one of them figures out it is in fact dog food, explain that the Cullens made it, while she was in school, for her.

20. Tell everyone at school Rosalie's hair is dyed...

21. Then blame Emmett for telling her it was.

22. Blame things on Emmett. (See numbers 10-13 and number 20-21.)

23. Reinforce her cream cheese mice with little cream cheese weapons...

24. Then teach them to tell blonde jokes to annoy Rosalie, Jasper and Carlisle to death.

25. Watch South Park...

26. Then compare Jasper to Kenny.

27. Convince Jasper to wear an orange parka and pants before directing him to a certain point before attempting to 'kill' Kenny.

28. Resulting in Edward's piano being smashed into thousands of pieces from being dropped onto 'Kenny'.

29. While watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, cry out that Edward must have been Cedric in a past life...

30. When told that it is an impossibility, state the similarities in the two and the fact they both died at 17, even though Cedric had gray eyes and blond hair.

31. Buy a bunch of fireworks and rig them all around the Cullen house - including Rosalie, Esme, and Alice's bedrooms...

32. Then setting them off in a attempt to find out if she can make them angry enough to bite her.

33. Make bets with Emmett about Edward's sex life.

34. Ending with her trying to seduce Edward in multiple skimpy outfits and partial nudity.

35. When he refuses her, break into tears and scream that Edward the cat was a much better companion...

36. Leading the Cullens to think about the relationship that Cat and Human had before his..untimely demise.

37. Dress her cream cheese mouse army in Union colors and let them attack Jasper while he is reading Confederate war journals.

38. Then cry and scream about murder as he decimates her army of cream cheese mice.

39. Start popping up in random places whispering about cream cheese conspiracies...

40. Brought on by the defeat of her cream cheese army's defeat at the hands of the enemy...

41. Which pissed the cream cheese leader off, enough so that he has her on his hit list.

42. Plot with Emmett on ways to prank the family.

43. Once again hanging out with Emmett is here by illegal. (She is a repeat offender.)

44. Buying a box of mice and turning them loose in the house, especially Rosalie's room.

45. Having Jacob replace Rosalie's engine with a model that goes slower.

46. Touching Rosalie's car.

47. Dying each of the Cullens' hair...

48. Resulting in Edward having pink hair, Esme having lime green hair, Carlisle having orange hair, Rosalie having puke green hair, Alice having silver hair, Emmett having lilac hair, and Jasper having multi-colored Union hair.

49. Photo-shop pictures of each of the Cullen men in promising positions with each other.

50. Being on Photo-shop or GIMP.

51. Post photo-shopped pictures from # 49 on the Internet – EX, Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, ect.

52. Call the Cullens fun suckers when Alice hacks into her accounts to delete the photos.

53. Force Edward to watch Golden Girls with her...

54. While eating popcorn and forcing it down his throat.

55. Eating popcorn...at all.

56. Cutting all the wires to the electricity...

57. Dismantling the engines of all the cars...

58. On a sunny day so they can't leave the house, forcing Alice to go slightly insane from lack of shopping.

59. Tell Alice the mall is going out of business.

60. Telling Emmett Grizzly bears are becoming a endangered species..causing him to have a lapse in sanity.

Alice looked over the third list of things her "sister"was not allowed to do. Bella had somehow been able to evade her visions, by the time she had the ones she did it was already to late. Bella had spending time with Emmett for four months now. She had also been exploring the prankster side of her, so that she is now a force to reckon with. Esme feared for her sanity, Carlisle had come to the point he'd simply sigh when Bella was around, and Rosalie was at the point where she was about to permanently separate Emmett and Bella; even if it meant killing one of them. Edward had started to blame himself, if he had only stopped Bella from ever spending time with Emmett the weekend they had went hunting only to leave Emmett to watch over the fragile angel he was so in love with. Jasper was at the breaking point...he was so sick of Union colors and cream cheese solders - which was still a mystery as to how they came to be – that he was ready to break down and sob with insanity.

"Do...I...God help us, should we maybe highlight the rules?" Carlisle asked, a grimace on his face. He was looking around frantically, as if waiting for number 61.

Alice shook her head, each of the Cullens stood around her, each looking as if they were in deep mourning. Esme was even wringing her hands together shifting side from side, paranoia setting in.

Edward ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't think God is listening. The only good that came out of the last two weeks was the death of...Edward the cat." He hissed the last part, eyes narrowed as he thought of the giant fur ball that would rub up against his Bella and then hiss at him like he was trying to mark his territory. He had silently cheered when Emmett had killed the fur ball and thanked God when the cat hadn't been turned into a catpire, not that it was possible.

"I don't think so...I'm still washing fairy dust off my jeep," Emmett said wincing from the mention of Bella's revenge for her precious cat's death. Rosalie huffed and crossed her arms, she was not amused by her husband or Bella, one idiot prankster was more then enough for them. They shuddered to think of what would happen when and if – the if being the fact Bella may not make it out alive if one of them snapped before then – Bella was turned into a Vampire.

"Mwahahaha..Haahaha, Ha!" came a slightly insane laugh from the stairs. Each Cullen snapped their bodies around to watch as Bella almost skipped down the stares in a stylish dark blue summer dress Alice had forced her into that evening. An evil smirk was on her face and cackles came out of her mouth every now and then. As she saw the Cullens, Alice having already nailed the list to the wall beside the previous two with nails on each corner, she let her eyes linger on Jasper and she flew into a fit of evil laughter before exiting into the living area and what they assumed to be the kitchen for she was muttering something about cream cheese.

It was about this time they all winced, except Alice who had a blank look on her face. Jasper had noticed Bella looking at him, connected her laughter to him, and was looking at the spot where she once stood with a wide eyed terror filled gaze. Edward had turned to Alice his eyes wide, he had seen the vision as Alice did and he winced before glancing at his sisters mate and his brother.

"Oh no!" Alice finally cried, her hand flying to her mouth.

"What!" the Cullens all shouted, except for Edward who was shaking his head, a hand in his bronze hair.

"Jasper, baby..." Alice trailed off and Jasper took her by her shoulders and shook her gently, for a vampire, and asked his eyes wide. "What, Alice what is it!" He pleaded.

"Just remember Jazzy, we were going to redecorate anyways." Alice began but as his eyes widened even more, almost seeming to pop out of his head, he let her go and at lightening speed he dashed off upstairs. It wasn't long before they heard the thundering roar of a enraged Jasper. Followed by thrashing and smashing, they each winced. Alice sighed before walking over to the list and taking the trusty black pen, which was almost out of ink and with a flourish she wrote:

61. Gluing Union flags to Jasper and Alice's room and purchasing a matching bed set in a attempt to help them 'redecorate'.


End file.
